Battle Royale Himitsu Style
by Kuro-Himitsu
Summary: Yusuke always knew that Chain Mail was bad trouble. Especially when there's a big bad bomb attatched to it. Guess what? This is a totally crack version of Battle Royale. Enjoy
1. Chain Mail Terror!

BAttle Royale Himitsu Style

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu YU Hakusho or any anime characters that may appear in this story except maybe the ones I've made up...BUT I WANT HIEI! WAHHHH

Hiei: Oh shutup  
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Yuske just woke up from a terrible nightmare. Somehow Genkai Obaa-san had forced him into a locker half his size and made him repeat the multiplacation tables. 2x25 3x832, he muttered. He walked over to the front door and checked his mail. Hm...bills (flip) Bills (flip) More bills (Flip) "WHATS WITH ALL THESE STUPID BI-" He stopped as one envelope caught his eye.It said on top of it, READ THIS FUCKIN LETTER THAT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO RETYPE! From Kuwabara

'AHHAAHAHAHAAHAHHA' he thought.' Maybe this is an invatation to a strip club' ( Himitsu: BAKA YUSUKE!) He opened it. On top it said

THIS IS NOT AN INVATAION TO A STRIP CLUB! 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!' Yusuke groaned.

This is what the letter said:

To Yusuke:

Next week on tuesday, our company will be holding a grand opening for our

Brand new fighting location, Arena W.I.N #2 (War Inducing Neccesity) We

would like for you to join us on this day with our other guests. Refusals are

unacceptable and will be killed off immediatly. You, as a skilled fighter, will

have the honor of being the first ones to test our new Arena out. It is willed

With dangerous creatures, Our own team of skilled assasins, and of course,

other guests.

Please, bring no food or supplies on that day. Bring only yourselves and if

neccesary, your own personal weapons, Good luck!

Sincerely,

Project supervisors.

Yusuke sorted,' hell like i'm gonna enter this stupid event.' Suddenly andother paper slipped out, This one had a strange sort of stopwatch on it the showed 23 hours 57 minutes and 34 seconds left and counting. He held the other paper in his hand and read:

We know what you are thinking so we have made some premeasures to

persuade you. You see, this letter is a chain mail, You have 24 hours to

send it to another person once this envelope has been opened. We're afraid

that is you do not send it to another skilled fighter by then, the bomb taped

on top of this letter will explode, along with your friends and family. We

wish you a nice day.

"Grrrrrrrrr, fine! I'll send it to someone. Jeez...now who should I send it to? I knoW! Now that you think of it, I haven't heard from my faveorite fox demon for a long time. I wonder how he is doing? Boy will he be happy that I send him a bomB"


	2. Hiei gets friendly mail

Battle Royale Himitsu Style Chapter three

Disclaimer:

Himitsu: I WON'T! I WILL NOT SAY IT! I REFUSE!

Hiei: (starts beating me ujp with the back of his katana) Feh

Himitsu: wahhhhh, im sorry! I dont own Yu Yu Hakusho! Or any other anime that u may come by in this chapter! OW

Hiei: Baka ningen

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Hiei has just woken up from his daily nap in his faveorite tree in the park. He stood up on the branches when suddenly the leaves above him shook. All of a sudden a large brown parcel falls down to hit him on the head and thus he fell outta the tree head first. (Himitsu: HA! That was revenge for the disclaimer.. BWAHAHAHAHAHA- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -starts running when i see hiei carrying a butcherknife running towards me-)

ANYWAYS...

Hiei rubbed his head muttering curses so terrible that even I would not whisper it at night. ( and thats saying somethin) He looked at it and saw that it was from Kurama. 'O goody' he thought. ' This must be the package of sweet snow i wanted! ' He startedx ripping it open when he saw that there was no sweet snow. 'WTF' he thouhgt. He read the letter which was the same as Yusuke's from chapter one. " Hn, why the hell would I go to some stupid competition. Suddenly a slip of paper dropped out of the parcel and into Hiei's hands. It was in Kurama's hand writing:

Hiei,

I have a felling that you wouldn't attend so i am

going to give you a life time's supply (well, maybe

one week for you...) of free ice cr- I mean, sweet

snow. It's in vannila flavor. i brought you a sample.

I have a feeling that you'd be joining us soon.

Kurama

'Hn' He thinks he can persuade me with a little swwet snow huh' Hiei opened the sample bag and tasted...and lets just say that the Yu Yu Hakusho Rei Kai Tentei gang will be together very ery soon.

Meanwhile...

Hiei is running around like a mental patient yelling, Vanilla, vanilla! LALALALALALALA! OW MY HEAD (brain freeze) Curse you, evil demon posessing the delicious sweet snow. GEt OUT OF MY HEAD! AHHHHHHHH!


	3. Parential Guidance Help!

Disclaimer:

Himitsu: (reading out of a crumpled piece of paper) uh...I- do-not-own-Yu-Yu-Hakusho-or-any-other-unfortunate-anime-series-that-I-draged-into-this-fanfic...Can i get my paycheck now?

Koenma: Yea yea w/e

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The Day of the Grand Opening of ARENA W.I.N Model #2

Yusuke looked at the piece of paper that has the dirsections to the arena which is abut a gazillion miles away from the gate! 'Honored Guests my ass' he thought. He got from the Front Gates of the stupid Arena watsitsname. He read off it, "uh...turn right on the Banishing Swamp and enter the darker looking forest and finally cross the bridge..."

'Yea...' he thought.' What straightfoward directions...my ass'

Yusuke finally reached the banishing swamp when..."RIGHT! WHAT RIGHT! THERE IS NO FUCKING RIGHT!" Wherever Yusuke looked, there is swamp swamp swamp. 'Jeez, no wonder people banish others here' Suddenly Yusuke got a chilly thought. 'I dont have to swim across do I!...oh shit'

Yusuke decided to ...what do you call it...uh...take a dive...right into the swamp. 'Uh' he thought.'This is so gross. Suddenly he swam past skeletons that are holding tops that look awfully like..." Woah! Are those Beyblades!" (sorry beyblade fans. Unfortuanatly the Bey Blades can't join the story because of some...techinacal problems that most of you with a brain can see )

Suddenly, Yusuke's foot got caught on some plant or weed in the swamp and he was getting pulled under." MOMMY!" he shrieked.' Well this is it, I guess,' he thought. ' Still, I wish I got to see the last epidode of The Powerpuff Girls...' All of a sudden Yusuke felt that he was getting pulled out of the swamp by something slimy. He opened one eye and saw he was being held at the ankle by a..."EW, ITS A -"

He didn't get to finish his phrase because a hand quickly covered his mouth. "shhhhh!" A mysterious feminine voice whispered." Don't insult the Dark Swamp Plant! They are very sensitive and proud. One word and they'll make sure it'll be your last!" Yusuke looked to see whose and it was and he stared into a pair of green eyes. Still a bit delirious from the swamp, he screamed "MOMMY!" and quickly hugged the person. The startled red haired man who was actually Kurama, not mommy, looked ready to faint. 'Mommy!' Kurama quickly thought. ' Do I really look like his mother!'

All of a sudden there was a movement in the trees and a figure in a black cloak and white headband covering his forehead appeared out of nowhere. He glanced ate Yusuke in slight disgust and turned his head towards Kurama and smirked. "Having family trouble, I see, " Hiei said in dry humor. " HELP ME" Kurama mouthed to him. Hiei just stood there watching in amusement, and inwardly laffing his ass off, as Yusuke decided that he was hungry and wanted to be breast fed by his Mommy. (Himitsu: Ok, thats just gross...) Kurama was suddenly imagining all the ways he could kill Hiei...torching him on fire and watch as his hair is slowly dissolved from his head, or maybe driving thousands of needles into Hiei's body while laughing like a maniac...or he could just chain Hiei up and drop a cone of ice cream onto the floor in front of him...

Kurama's thoughts were interupted when Yusuke decided to hurl right on him. Hiei decided that if he stood around any longer, Kurama would make sure he would not have any air for a long time after he got free from Yusuke's iron bear hug. Hiei leapted of the branch he was standing on and appeared in front of Yusuke and slappe him in the face. Yusuke looked shocked for a moment. Hiei and Kurama both held their breath and hoped Yusuke would turn back to normal. Yusuke's eyes began to clear and they both let out a sigh o relief. when suddenly Yusuke lookd at Hiei and shouted, "DADDY!"

" Daddy!" Yusuke shouted with glee while giving the shocked Hiei a bone crushing hug with his left arm. Kurama even partially forgot his own predicament in Yusuke's right arm and started laffing in hystericals at Hiei. He tried to point while laufhing but didn't succeed because of Yusuke's tight hug. Hiei glowered at Kurama giving him the " After I get out of this Bastard's hands I will wipe that cocky grin off your face and replace it with blood"

Suddenly Yusuke started crying. "Wahhhhhhhhhh!" He screamed. Kurama covered his ears and winced saying," What is it Yusuke honey/ What can _Mommy_ (Kurama twitched at that word) do for you?" Suddenly Yusuke stopped. " I want a little brother!" ' Ok that came outta nowhere' Hiei thought. 'Should I smack him on the head...or maybe punch him in the stomach?' Kurama was thinking more along the lines of,' Spank him or whip him?' Both demons' thoughts were interuppted when Yusuke's face lit up. " Oh, I know!" he screamed in delight. "You and Daddy can have Sex right now and give me a little bro!"

Both Hiei and Kurama were both thinking the same thoughts by now. ' Yes the nuts, definatly the nuts!'


	4. Sidetracked

Disclaimer:

Himitsu: Why must there be a disclaimer for every chapter?

Hiei: Just shutup and say it so we can continue this goddamn story

Kurama: I still can't believe Yusuke thought I was his mom. I nearly fainted when he wanted breast feeding... ( Glares at Hiei who suddenly goes into a silent laughing fit)

...oh, and Hiei. I seem to remember you as his daddy!

Hiei: Shutup. Himitsu doesn't own Yu Yu Hakusho so there.

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Birds started flapping all over the place as a certain delirious ReiKai tantei was kicked in the nuts by this...(ahem) Momy and daddy at the same time.

Yusuke slowly opened his eyes and found himself in an indescribable pain and saw Kurama and Hiei lookin at him in fear. "Huh? Hiei? Kurama?" He said slowly. Hiei and Kurama both gave sighs of relief mush to his confusion. "What the hell happened?" Yusuke asked Hiei.

" Well apparently you wanted to get breast feeded by Kurama, (A shocked Yusuke got slapped by Kurama) had the NERVE to mistaken me as your Daddy (got socked on the face by Hiei) AND wanted us to have SEX to give YOU a little brother (Yusuke got kicked in the air by angry vicious demon . and landed 20 feet away. Hiei and kurama used demon speed to rush to the painfully fallen Yusuke and started stomping him into the ground.)

"Wah! Im sorry I'M SORRY! ILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU! ILL GET KURAMA A HAIR GROOMING KIT AND HIEI 20 TONS OF ICE C- SWEET SNOW!" Yusuke begged as he ate dirt while having hiei's shoe on top of this head. Hiei eyed him critically," Vanilla?" He asked. "YES YES NOW PLEASE GET YOUR FEET OFF ME!"

Hiei slowly pulled his feet off of Yusuke. Yusuke sighed in relief when all of a sudden, Hiei Took a nearby tree branch and began whacking Yusuke on the ass screming," How dare you muthafuckin Bastard mistaken me for your Papa. Ill Fuckin kill you you little sunavabitch bum! Go wipe your ugly shitof a ass!..." Hiei went on swearing while beating the hell outta Yusuke.

Kurama, with a satisfied look, chuckled to himself. 'Hm...New York seems to have a good influence on Hiei'

All of a sudden Himitsu popped up from no where! "To all you confused readers, Hiei spent a year in New York Last year when he got kicked outta Baskin and RObins. He swore revenge on Tokyo and spent one year spending all his money on American Baskin and RObins and making poor Tokyo ice cream factories go poor by losing their best customers. Ahhh what a sad sad day...ARGH DONT HURT ME! I'M SORRY FOR TELLING THEM YOUR WHOLE SAD LIFE STORY!"

(Running away from a maniacal Hiei carrying a nice sharp Katana)

"I DONT CARE IF YOUR DA FREAKING AUTHOR OF THIS STORY! I DONT EVEN LIKE IT ANYWAY! (wow, wonder why...) I SWEAR ILL CALL ALL MY NEW YORK FRIENDS TO STALK YOU!" Hiei screamed. Himitsu paled, "No! Not New York stalkers! Anything but that!"

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Back to the MAIN story...

The Reikai TAntei were walking and walking and walking and walking and walking some more...did i mention they're walki- "ALRIGHT, SHUTUP ALREADY! WE GET THE POINT!" Yusuke screamed.

"You know, Yusuke" Kurama said as they kept on walking and walking and...(Himitsu runs away as Yusuke points his index finger at her)

"We really, should be there by now"

"Don't worry, Kurama!" Yusuke said in a smug tone. "According to this map, we should arrive at the Darker Looking forest in 5 more seconds!"

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

...Hiei, who kept silent durin this whole conversation finally spoke up. "Yusuke..." He began

"What the FUCK are we doing on top of a CLIFF!"


End file.
